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Concert Survival Guide: Here’s how to prepare

Things you should probably carry with you when visiting the craziest festival of the year.

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General Topics of Importance:

The Sun: Most of the concerts you’ll attend this summer will start when the sun is still blazing, meaning you are likely to be really hot during the show, especially if you decide to dance, which we may or may not recommend depending on how attractive you are. To avoid medical difficulties, the two things you should do are drink a gallon two gallons of water in the 24 hours before the concert and wear sunscreen

Your Clothes: Here’s the thing about summers in the American West—in the afternoon you’ll be hot, but after the sun goes down you may be cold. So, it’s best to bring a couple of layers. Also, make sure you don’t have a lot of junk in your pockets. Less junk in pockets will translate to a faster turnaround time at the gate, which will translate to you getting into the venue more quickly, which will translate to you claiming a better spot on the lawn. Plus, you won’t be dancing around with a bunch of keys, lighters, wallets and flasks bouncing around in your pants.

Booze: You can most likely buy it at the concert, but we recommend you bring your own, all sneaky-like, of course. Try hiding a flask on an area of your person that security is not likely to touch. Or, bring a Nalgene with your “water” in it. There are a number of clear mixers out there: Sprite, fancy dry sodas, Everclear—that when mixed with gin and vodka look just like water. FYI, if you get caught, you’ll likely have it confiscated and you should certainly not tell them that the Source endorses your behavior.

Weed: Really, you’re probably just safer toking in the car and saving yourself the anxiety of trying to find a discreet place in the middle of hundreds of people to smoke. But, if you must, one-hitters are best here. They can be palmed in even the smallest of hands and they generate minimal smoke. They’re also sturdy and easy to ditch, if it comes to that, which it won’t. You live in
Oregon!

Bring These Things:

A bag or basket to carry all your crap

Camp chairs or low lawn chairs

Picnic blanket

Snacks

Water

Layers of clothing

Comfortable shoes

Cheap sunglasses

Hat

Hair tie

Hand Sanitizer

Condoms

Your bad-idea pants

Do Not Bring These Things

Too much stuff—Remember: KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid)

Tallish chairs (you’ll block other people’s view)

Food that is complicated to eat

A nice camera (you’re just asking for theft)

Anything expensive

High heels

Your dog, seriously.

Your bad-idea pants


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