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Where Weed Falls Under Trump

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"Donald Trump, Donald Tramp living in the men's shelter/Wonder Bread bag shoes and singing Helter Skelter" FROM THE SONG "JOHNNY RYALL" BY THE BEASTIE BOYS

Since Nov 5, the question I've been asked most often, and primarily in tones of anguish and fear: "What do you think Trump is going to do about cannabis?"

Now that we are a bit further along in this surreal, real life sequel to "Idiocracy," let's delve a little deeper. You may want to have the cannabis flower/product of your choosing at hand, because it's doubtful this is going to qualify as a feel-good piece.

First off, this is all speculation. Among the many, many challenges Emperor Pussy Grabber presents is that he has zero consistency in his positions, so it's difficult to extrapolate from his past ramblings a solid outlook on most any matter, including cannabis. But let's try to work out what's possible.

#1: The Song Remains The Same

Under this, states with medical and/or adult use programs would be allowed to continue as they have, with little to no interference from the Pumpkin Monster. Provided they stay within the boundaries laid out by the Cole memorandum—that game-changing document penned by an Obama Justice Department attorney saying that if States with adult use programs abide by several common sense requests, the Feds won't take action. Best-case scenario.

#2: Mama Says Knock You Out

Here, AG nominee Jeff "12-Years-a-Slave- wasn't-a-comedy?" Sessions unleashes an Alabama ass whuppin' on cannabis businesses, resulting in widespread arrests, asset forfeiture and probably more than a few armed standoffs between law enforcement and growers who aren't down for taking some stupid redneck's shit. Personally, this is my biggest fear and the worst-case scenario involving bloodshed and convictions for people growing plants. Thankfully, the resulting public backlash would probably make this the least likely option.

Scenario # 3: I Wanna Be Sedated

Mister Microhands allows states to keep existing medical programs, but shuts down adult use. Sadly, this is what I am betting on being most likely. Fewer people have an issue with cannabis use for legit medical use than for "recreational," and no, we don't have enough space to debate if all cannabis use is medical.

#4: Money (That's What I Want)

Captain Clueless realizes the most dangerous thing about cannabis is that the feds aren't profiting off it enough and pushes to have a federal tax put in place on sales. That could serve to drive more consumers to the black market and place additional burdens upon the industry players who have abided by the ludicrous rules, regulations and fees imposed upon them by ill-informed state and city regulatory agencies. (Excepting Oregon. Y'all are great, and I'm sure there are completely legitimate reasons for the fee structures in place, even if they are vastly out of sync with what you charge the alcohol industry. Probably because of all the cannabis related deaths, huh? And because alcohol has been proven to be harmless? Yeah, that's must be it.)

#5 The Brother's Gonna Work It Out

"States Rights" is certainly a sword used for the justification of many federal-level decisions, but it's possible it could be beaten into a plowshare for cannabis. There are billions in revenue that could be generated for numerous coffers with changes to tax codes, banking laws and rescheduling. Besides, isn't the GOP the party of fewer regulations and an undying belief in free market economics?

People are enjoying their (relatively) unfettered access to cannabis in so many states now that it may seem that it's too late to change course, and that access is now a right, but I haven't seen any of the nominees paraded in front of us sounding like they are in favor of people having beaucoup rights. If we are to overgrow the government, it's going to take luck, hard work and industry-wide organization.

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