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Big End-of-Summer Straight Poop Sale - Stock Up Now!



Monday, Sept. 5

Tell us how you really feel, Jimmy: Teamsters Union President Jimmy Hoffa Jr., warming up Labor Day crowd in Detroit for President Obama, rips into Tea Party: "Let's take these sons of bitches out" ... Tea Partiers wail about "violent" rhetoric ... In tepid follow-up, Obama promises to support collective bargaining, challenges Congress to pass his forthcoming jobs plan ... Euro-trashed: European stock markets and value of Euro plunge on concerns over safety of banks ... Postage due: US Postal Service nearing default, facing deficit of $9.2 billion ... Well, at least somebody's having a good year: Hollywood scores record-breaking summer, posting box office revenues of $4.4 billion.

Tuesday, Sept. 6

Following the money: Super PAC called "Make Us Great Again" plans to spend $55 million to snag GOP presidential nomination for Texas Gov. Rick Perry ... In tape obtained by Mother Jones magazine, right-wing billionaire Charles Koch tells attendees at secret seminar for fellow fat cats that "we have Saddam Hussein" in the White House and 2012 elections will be "the mother of all wars" ... Speaking of dangerous reptiles: Hunters in Agusan del Sur, Philippines, catch 21-foot saltwater crocodile, think there are even bigger ones out there ... Hello, goodbye: Carol Bartz ousted as CEO of Yahoo; tells employees via email, "I've just been fired over the phone by Yahoo's chairman of the board," Roy Bostock ... Calling Det. Axel Foley: Eddie Murphy, who made some funny movies in the 1980s, to host 2012 Academy Awards show, first time for him.

Wednesday, Sept. 7

Toxic Texan? At GOP presidential debate, Rick Perry gets hearty applause for mentioning his record-breaking 234 executions as Texas governor, calls for abolishing Social Security and Medicare ... On ABC's "Good Morning America," Karl Rove says Perry's views on Social Security are "toxic" ... Guess it's all a matter of proportion: LA coroner's office says Russell Armstrong of "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" had no drugs or alcohol in his system when he committed suicide; friends say the venture capitalist had money worries ... Flawed concept: Man in Gumby costume tries to hold up convenience store in San Diego, is unable to get hand into pocket to pull gun, drops 26 cents on floor, flees ... Pas ce soir, mon cher: French court orders 51-year-old man to pay wife more than $13,000 for not having sex with her ... Need a Christmas stocking-stuffer? Elizabeth Taylor's $30 million jewel collection, including 33-carat diamond hubby Richard Burton gave her, to be auctioned off in December.

Thursday, Sept. 8

Wishful thinking: President Obama unveils $447 billion package of tax cuts and spending to revive economy, challenges Congress to "pass this jobs plan right away" ... House Majority Leader Eric Cantor says he hopes Republicans and White House can work together ... Still soggy: Rain from remnants of Tropical Storm Lee drenches eastern Pennsylvania; 100,000 evacuated from flood areas ... Cracking the foodie market: Google buys revered restaurant guide company Zagat, will incorporate its reviews ... Mouthing off: French court convicts former star Dior designer John Galliano of "public insults toward persons on the basis of their religion or origin" for racist and anti-Semitic rants; $8,000 fine suspended ... It's gotta taste better than it sounds: Ben & Jerry's releases new ice cream flavor, "Schweddy Balls," inspired by old "Saturday Night Live" skit.

Friday, Sept. 9

These things are getting too damn close: Magnitude 6.4 earthquake strikes in ocean off Vancouver, BC; no injuries ... Not the brightest bulb: Rick Perry's transcript from Texas A&M shows he had 2.2 GPA as "animal sciences" major, got mostly C's and D's ... This ain't one bit funny: Two days before 10th anniversary of 9/11, group hacks into NBC's Twitter feed, puts out message that Ground Zero is under terrorist attack ... This isn't too funny either: Mel Gibson, who got into trouble for anti-Semitic rant during DUI bust, to direct movie about Jewish hero Judah Maccabee; American Jewish leaders not pleased ... Heads up: NASA warns that chunks of Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite could fall on populated areas when satellite breaks up in about two weeks ... How many do they need? Neighbors protest planned opening of new vegan strip club in Portland; it would be city's second.

Saturday, Sept. 10

Not making it easy: Fighters loyal to Libyan dictator Muammar Qaddafi making determined last-ditch stand in besieged town of Bani Walid ... Getting nasty in Egypt: Israel brings ambassador home, asks for American troops to protect embassy in Cairo after protesters attack it ... Guess I should've rephrased that: Japanese Trade Minister Yoshio Hachiro, less than a month on the job, resigns after describing evacuation zone around Fukushima nuke plant as "a town of death" ... You mean there's still an AOL? AOL and Yahoo reported in merger talks; combined company would have estimated value of $1,200. Yes, just kidding.

Sunday, Sept. 11

Never forget: Memorial services in New York, Washington, Shanksville, PA, Rome, Paris, Brussels, Kabul and other cities across globe mark 10th anniversary of 9/11/2001 ... When you gotta go: Fighter jets scramble to escort airliner on LA-to-NY flight after three drunks refuse to come out of toilets ... Last words: Cyndi Lauper flubs lines of National Anthem at US Open tennis tournament; Paul Simon does not flub lines of "The Sounds of Silence" at Ground Zero service, which was a good thing, since he wrote them.

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