Crazy For You: The politics of education, unpaid dental bills and the problem with atheists | Editorial | Bend | The Source Weekly - Bend, Oregon

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Crazy For You: The politics of education, unpaid dental bills and the problem with atheists



The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from a failed Socialist state headed by an illegal alien (or maybe listening to too much AM radio) on assignment for and The Source Weekly.

The Crazies

There's something in the water. Or it's an election year... Senator Jim Bunning (R-KY - the state, not the sexy lubricant) is going out in style, retiring after two terms, and using an arcane Senate procedure to block a funding bill for extended jobless and health care benefits, infrastructure projects and other liberal Socialist programs. Immediately laying off 2,000 workers, cutting COBRA health coverage, and ensuring that 400,000 unemployed Americans starve, Bunning is doing so out of concern that the Dem majority hasn't shown a way to offset the $10 billion cost, offering, "I hope the American people understand my serious objections." Of course, by the time you read this, Bunning's feat will be forgotten (much like when he pitched a perfect game in 1964 for the Phillies); much like Senator Richard Shelby's (R-AL) blanket blocking of Obama's 70-plus presidential appointments, all because he wants more earmarks for Alabama. One Republican wants to control spending and another wants more money, you gotta love the Grand Ole Party. What's next?

Up Next: Education!

President Obama, fresh off a pathetic bipartisan summit on health care (where nothing was solved, other than John McCain looking even older after Obama informed him that "the election is over," and the GOP having to admit that most of their demands are already in the current health care legislation) is now focusing on education. Demanding accountability - something very evident in his administration and D.C., Obama sided with a Rhode Island school board that fired all 94 teachers and staff at a school that was consistently failing; the school board had offered money and incentives for teachers to tutor students, but the union balked, thus the mass firings.

Speaking of Money

AIG, our biggest collective investment since more war in the Middle East, is being stripped like Toyota's reputation (in related bailout/government-takeover news, GM reported a sales surge of 11 percent before announcing its own million-vehicle recall - damn you, Pontiac) with AIG's Asia Life unit being sold to Prudential for $35.5 billion. This sale - pending approval - will recover one-fifth of our total $182.5 billion investment in AIG for being "too big to fail." Another example of our effective banking system literally came home when Capri Ramos, a woman in Utah (for more exciting Utah news, see below), had her house auctioned for $1,550 by North American Credit Recovery (a collection agency/vampire) for an unpaid $68 dental bill; a judge threw out the case this week, not due to the agency's aggressive tactics but because the sale price of the house was "grossly inadequate."

Utah, Atheists and IQs

Utah may criminalize miscarriages, making pregnant mothers liable for "reckless behavior" if they lose their fetus (in Utah a fetus is a functioning citizen ready to believe any preposterous story by Joseph Smith); the bill is on the governor's desk, along with millions of letters from pro-life/-choice proponents with too much time on their hands. In related news: A study by an evolutionary psychologist at the London School of Economics showed that "liberals" and "atheists" have IQs 6-11 points higher than those (how to put this mildly?) who are "conservative" and believe in a giant spaghetti monster; as summed by one professor (surely a liberal baby Jesus hater) regarding those who shed dogma to adopt "novel" evolutionary ideas and move the species forward: "It also makes perfect sense that more intelligent people - people with, sort of, more intellectual firepower - are likely to be the ones to do that."

Feeling Wobbly

The magnitude 8.8 earthquake that hit Chile this weekend released 500 times the amount of energy of Haiti's earthquake last month. It's just an interesting fact that we thought you should know; the Earth's wobble is now off by several centimeters and the reality that more than 200,000 died in Haiti vs. less than 800 in Chile is due to better infrastructure and construction standards after a magnitude 9.5 quake hit southern Chile in 1960. Hearing this, California legislators offered the entire state as an experiment in earthquake readiness, just as long as the federal government continues to pick up the tab for its ongoing budgetary-environmental-Arnold-medicinal marijuana woes.


If you think our national debt is scary, consider Greece's: Trying to curb a deficit that is 12.5 percent of gross domestic product (America's is around 10 percent, depending on whose numbers you trust), Greece announced wage freezes and tax increases late last year that wrought riots that still continue to rage. A sign of things to come? The EU is demanding that Greece cut its deficit by 4 percent before any new loans or "bailouts" are approved for the first Republic on Earth. In related news: China called the U.S. to inform us they still haven't received the check, with the U.S. promising that it's totally in the mail. Just chill, Mao.

Quick Oscar Picks

Avatar will win every award. Billions in box-office, need we say more? Though The Hurt Locker and Star Trek really deserve the nods. Oh, and Up! And that hot cougar named Streep. Lastly, Quentin Tarantino's dialogue sounds like Quentin Tarantino talking, whether in English, French, or German, and regardless if it's delivered by a man or woman. It may be fun, but, really, it's just Quentin Tarantino babbling about stuff. Think about it.

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