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Give Thanks for the Danks

A year to celebrate cannabis, when everything else seems to be falling apart.


  • c/o Dr Jollys

As 2017 draws to a close, we look back with fondness upon a year filled with joy, laughter and good times, with sharing, love and—ha ha! No, not really. 2017 was a deranged fever nightmare of unheralded poisonous despair, with heartbreaking loss and division. Many people, places and things are under attack from the horror-show ass clowns running our country, including cannabis.

To that end, thank whichever god(desses) you pray to that we have cannabis. No, seriously, thank them. Because without it, this column wouldn't exist, I'd have a William Burroughs-sized smack habit, and then things would start breaking bad. Extremely bad.

Ever read a year in review? Ever done it high? Burn/vape/dab one down and let's get started.

The Good

My posse's gettin' big, and my posse's gettin' bigger.

A record high (huh? huh?) 64 percent of Americans now support recreational cannabis programs, and that's reflected in voting trends as well. In 2014, Washington and Colorado passed our nation's first Adult Use cannabis programs. In 2017, we have six more states and Washington, D.C.,. joining the ranks of the danks.

I smoke weed, ain't nothing wrong, my money good and my money long.

As a nation, we really, really enjoy our cannabis. The year 2017 broke all expected sales numbers, with the ArcView Group reporting that sales will hit $10 billion by the end of the year. That's up 33 percent from 2016's sales figures, and 2018 is expected to be an even greater jump, as California will begin its rec program Jan. 1. The taxes from that $10 billion is paying for hundreds of programs and services. (Of course, none of that $10 billion ever made it into a bank legally, because it's "drug money." Funny how the states collect taxes paid from that same drug money, and yet banks have no issues depositing that. (#creditunionsrule, #bankingreformnow)

Forward motion make you sway like the ocean; the herb is more than just a powerful potion.

There is a growing chorus from unlikely corners that the Feds need to recognize cannabis is true medicine. No less than the American Legion, not exactly known for its liberal leanings, voted in August to ask the current administration to allow doctors at the Veteran's Administration to discuss medicinal cannabis with their patients, and in states where there is an existing MMJ program, to be allowed to suggest its use to patients. Considering the wide range of life-threatening service related ailments veterans can face, you would think this would be a no-brainer. Say, speaking of no brainers. ...

The Not So Good

You can never make America great again. All you did was make this country hate again.

Trump is no friend to Mary Jane, and shifty eyed KKKebler Elf and Attorney General Jeff Sessions want everyone who partakes to crawl off and die. Sessions spewed so many horrible lies about cannabis this year, I was hard pressed to just choose one. But this was my "favorite."

"I reject the idea that America will be a better place if marijuana is sold in every corner store. And I am astonished to hear people suggest that we can solve our heroin crisis by legalizing marijuana—so people can trade one life-wrecking dependency for another that's only slightly less awful. Our nation needs to say clearly once again that using drugs will destroy your life." (Rebuttal: Fuuuuuuuuuuck yoooooooou.)

If you locked in the box, keep making it through, do the time, don't let your time do you.

We keep arresting and incarcerating people of color for cannabis offenses at a far greater rate than we do whites. (African-Americans were nearly four times more likely than whites to be arrested for cannabis possession.) In 2017, NO ONE should be in a cage because of a plant.

Some cities, such as Oakland, have set aside half of their cannabis licenses for those specifically with a cannabis conviction, or for those who resided in one of 21 police districts with an "overabundance" of cannabis-related arrests. Oakland nonprofit The Hood Incubator assists minority cannabis entrepreneurs, through training and mentoring.

For 2018, let's wish for peace, prosperity and an end to cannabis prohibition for all.

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