Jeff Sessions Is Going To Hell | Smoke Signals | Bend | The Source Weekly - Bend, Oregon

Culture » Smoke Signals

Jeff Sessions Is Going To Hell



 recent column, "Scenarios for Cannabis under Trump," a topic which has been explored by my far smarter canna-lawyer colleagues, has already grown outdated.

That's because the cannabis policy undertaken by Attorney General Klu Klux Keebler is perfectly in line with the various national "policies" set forth by Fake Tan Hitler. Both are unhinged, unpredictable, based on private gain and racist beliefs, and seek to promote the most heinous of suffering from our most vulnerable populations.

(To counterbalance the infuriating nature of this week's column, here's a joke:



Where do Mansplainers get their water?


From a "Well, actually...".)

What's Lil' Jeffy been up to since we last checked in? I'm so glad you asked.

In May, he sent a letter to Congress, asking them to help end a bipartisan amendment that protects medical cannabis programs from prosecution by federal authorities. Known this year as the Rohrabacher-Blumenauer amendment (mad congressional respect, Oregon!), Sessions sent a letter to Senators Pelosi, McConnell, Ryan and Schumer strongly urging them to come to the dark side with him.

In late July, lawmakers replied to Sessions by letting him know that, it being the end of the fiscal year, the House and Senate had allocated all their 2017 eff-yous, and thus having no effs left to give, provided him with a rebuke by Pat Lehey (D-VT), who said in part:

"29 states and the District of Columbia have decided it's more humane to regulate medical marijuana than to criminalize it. Almost every state—46 right now, and counting—regulate the use of a marijuana derivative that is used to treat epilepsy and other rare medical conditions...The federal government can't investigate everything. And shouldn't. And I don't want them spending money pursuing medical marijuana patients who are following state law..."

Earlier that month, Sessions announced plans to "issue a new directive for asset forfeiture— especially drug traffickers." As I've explored before, asset forfeiture is a super neat thing by which law enforcement can take any and everything you own, including all your cash, if they think it's related to profits from a drug crime. Is growing cannabis for the recreational market, or selling said cannabis at a recreational dispensary, a crime? We may get to find out soon, and I'm sure it will end well. In response to Sessions forming a task force in February to examine drug trafficking, immigration and violent crime, Oregon and Colorado prepared lengthy reports for the Justice Department showing how they were tackling issues of concern (including seed-to-sale tracking, oversupply, public safety and other matters of concern), reminding them that tremendous tax revenue was being generated, while there had been virtually no uptick in public safety and health issues.


ince being a flaccid racist wasn't filling up enough of his free time, Sessions responded with letters to the governors and attorney generals of several states with recreational cannabis programs, including Oregon and Washington. It used outdated and false data about the evils of jazz tobacco, and some dubious claims that cannabis from Washington had been found "destined for 43 states" (Of course, that means nothing, similar to anyone who has been "destined" to leave their couch for an evening out, but did not find themselves "delivered" to said outing.)

In late July, the task force forwarded its recommendations, but with this being an open, transparent democracy, the Justice Department promptly explained that it would not be revealing what the report says.

Mind you, this is all occurring as the country hits ever-increasing, record-breaking support in polls for allowing access to medical cannabis if their doctor prescribes it (94 percent), and 60 percent support "that the use of marijuana should be made legal in the U.S."

So... Sessions wants to shut down medical and recreational cannabis programs. Congress isn't so keen to help him, but the Justice Department only needs so much in the way of cooperation from them to do so.

This entire administration is so batshit crazy. I no longer have any projections or predictions—except that Jeff Sessions is going to hell, even if it means the universe needs to create one for him.

Speaking of Jeff Sessions Weed Laws, josh Jardine

Add a comment

More by Josh Jardine

  • Craft v. Commercial

    Craft v. Commercial

    A new awareness campaign looks to help cannabis consumers identify sun-grown producers that adhere to organic cannabis farming practices
    • Jun 8, 2022
  • Is Oregon Saying "See Ya" to CBN?

    Is Oregon Saying "See Ya" to CBN?

    This July will see a change in the way Oregonians access products containing a certain cannabinoid
    • May 11, 2022
  • The MORE Act is a Great Idea

    The MORE Act is a Great Idea

    …but it’s not going to pass, again
    • Apr 13, 2022
  • More »