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Food & Drink » Beer & Drink

Know Your Bar Menu (type)

There are three distinct subsets of menu readers that diverge from the mainstream.

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There are three distinct subsets of menu readers that diverge from the mainstream. These are people who regard the menu differently than other people - those who take it and show a distinct part of their persona by the way they handle a simple piece of paper with food descriptions and prices.


The Tosser never looks at the menu. The moment a menu comes within eyesight of a Tosser, he will pick it up and throw it to the side. Typically he will now start squinting at the beer taps and the shelves and, even when told that there is a list right next to him, he will pick up the menu, but soon again toss it away. Perhaps the Tosser just doesn't want anyone to know he's illiterate.

The Keeper won't ever let the menu go. Even when the check comes, the Keeper insists that the menu must reside either under his butt or on the table under all of the dirty plates and glasses. The Keeper is sure that he has the last menu in the restaurant and that if he were to let the menu go, for even a heartbeat, it would certainly never be replaced and he would be lacking the golden key to get warm food and a frosty drink delivered to him.

The Jotter uses the menu as her personal notebook, writing notes on it that typically have nothing to do with the menu. The Jotter usually dines alone lost in thought, doodling and scribbling all over the menu. When asked, the Jotter often claims to be a screenplay writer or a songwriter which, if you haven't learned yet, is code for "I am unemployed and my parents are rich."

Cocktail de jour - no menu needed
2 parts vodka
4 parts soda

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