The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from the Adirondack front porch where U.S. Grant finished his memoirs for Mark Twain to publish, and wondering what to write, on assignment for Or-Bust.com and The Source Weekly.
"No puts baby in a... "
He was Ponyboy's brother in "The Outsiders" and our "Ghost." The throat-grab-rip technique from "Roadhouse" is still being taught in Rednek Fiteskool. 57 and the casualty of pancreatic cancer, Patrick Swayze is why Chris Farley became sexy (SNL Chippendales dance-off anyone? Hello!). "If I leave this Earth, I want to leave this Earth just knowing I've tried to give something back and tried to do something worthwhile with myself." As our nation mourns the loss of our dirty dancer, Afghanistan will continue to implode, China will reconsider our debt, and another semi-celebrity will try to take Teddy Kennedy's Senate seat. Oh, on that subject, have you seen "12 Monkeys" lately? The boy wasn't in the well after all, and Brad Pitt actually acted - earlier than "Fight Club" and right after he was stealing his brother's wife in "Legends of the Fall." Back to Bruce Willis, who was married to Demi Moore, who was in "Ghost" with...
This Distraction Brought To You By Kanye
Meanwhile West may have been snubbed again at the MTV music awards - or at least close enough that he felt compelled to jump on the stage and snatch the microphone from teen country sensation Taylor Swift after she bested Beyonce in the best female video category - but he rocketed to the top of the running for D-bag of the year for his performance. For those who didn't see, the hip hop guru who has a history of public tantrums at awards ceremonies - enough so that he's spoofed himself on SNL over a previous VMA outburst - grabbed the microphone, telling a dumbstruck Swift that she would have her moment, but only after he tried to rally the crowd behind Beyonce whom West said made one of the "best videos of all time" for "Single Ladies." But the crowd only responded after Kanye took his outsize ego offstage when they offered Swift a heartfelt ovation - presumably for suffering Kanye as much as her video. West has apparently apologized for his behavior on his blog, offering this olive branch: "I'm not crazy, I'm real."
Yeah, a real D-bag.
Another Reason Not to Attend Yale
Other Not So Awesome News
A 12-year old Yemeni girl died during childbirth this week - After being forced to marry a 24 year-old man because her family was impoverished. Fawziya Ammodi was in labor for three days before dying along with her baby; according to the Seyaj Organization for the Protection of Children, over half of Yemeni girls are married before the age of 18. Here in NYC, 9-11 was remembered with at least one major media outlet (according to a friend who works for this outlet as a cameraman) passing on covering Ground Zero, then racing to the site at this last minute when someone looked at a calendar.
The View of Bend from 3,000 Miles Away
People really like Bend, Oregon, as several friends and strangers have shared with yours truly since arriving in my beloved New York. Some have even spent time in Drake Park and remember Pilot Butte well. The smears in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal have actually done Bend a favor; "If I sell my brownstone, can I pocket four million and move there, maybe buy a house for four hundred thousand?" That's what my pal Richard (call him Dick) asked; "Sure, Dick," I responded, "You can actually buy two houses for $400,000, and for $4 million, you can buy the whole city." Any takers?