The author is reporting that 3 in 4 Americans think things are "going badly" in our country. What a shock after this upbeat election...
SWAT teams were called to the D.C. Capitol building Tuesday night when a woman described as "crazed and unblinking" refused to surrender her gavel. Later identified as suddenly-former-House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, the melee mellowed after she was granted one last chance to stand at the podium and grab her long list of enemies. In the desolate Nevada desert 2,626 miles away, suddenly-Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer leaned on a shovel to wipe sweat from his brow, for the first time in his career happy cameras weren't there, smiling while burying the career of fellow Democrat Harry Reid. Somehow the Senate Majority Leader lost to Tea Party activist Sharron Angle, someone who managed to win without granting any interviews, only running a smear campaign that would make Joseph Goebbels proud.
Of course all of this is speculation, since this column is due on the day of the midterm elections, but predictions of a Republican sweep will be proven unfounded. Democrats did get swept yet Republicans didn't win whatsoever; concerned citizens, corporations, racists and the altogether ignorant under the guise of the Tea Party ousted moderate and effective elected officials in favor of idiots who will be ignored once in Washington. The Constitution was written on a dead cow, and efforts to whiteout unpopular amendments (civil rights in the 14th, birthright citizenship in the 15th and the 16th's empowering the federal government to collect a tax on income, just to name a few) will reveal the Tea Party akin to cholera in Haiti.
A timely reminder of why we gave Congress an enema only two years ago is the trial of former House Majority Leader Tom "The Hammer" DeLay this week. If you've already forgotten about DeLay you should rethink casting that vote on Tuesday: Indicted for illegally funneling corporate money to get Republican candidates elected (sound familiar?), DeLay was also under investigation for ties to lobbyist (now convict) Jack Abramoff and defrauding Native American tribes of millions (since saying "our relationship is over") before resigning in disgrace in 2006.
The Who wrote lyrics for this moment: "Meet the new boss, same as the old boss." The song was "Won't Get Fooled Again" but, hey, we're Americans and will fall for anything TV tells us.
Don't trust your mail, either. Packages from Yemen are more loaded than hot-pants on Halloween, and this trick seems to be spreading: A parcel bomb addressed to the Mexican embassy exploded in Greece on Monday, injuring one. Last Friday, several packages from Yemen were identified to be carrying the explosive PETN (Panties Explode the Nuts) and on their way to the U.S.A. How did we find out? A former GITMO detainee who was released to Saudi Arabia for "re-education" (read: happy hypnotizing) sang to authorities about the plot. "It is my understanding that these devices did not need somebody to detonate them," said John Brennan, President Obama's assistant for Homeland Security and counterterrorism. Good intelligence work saved lives and planes from going boom, but the public response is striking: Many suspect politics were at play, with Obama using scare-tactics to ebb election losses; others point to the reality that Obama is a Democrat, and only Republicans use fear and invasion to parse terrorists from patriots.
Speaking of patriots and/or terrorists, BP and Halliburton are feuding over who's to blame for the cement slurry that failed to reinforce the Deepwater Horizon well. According to the Presidential Commission on the resulting catastrophe: "Neither [BP or Halliburton] acted upon" data that the cement was unstable, but both kept drillin' baby drillin' until the rig exploded, releasing millions of gallons of oil into the Gulf of Mexico. Seven months later, 11 oilrig workers dead, untold environmental damage and gas prices rapidly rising, no one has been arrested, BP just reported $1.8 billion in profits and the ban on offshore drilling now lifted.
Need a drink yet? You better skip booze in favor of heroin or crack, according to a study released by The Lancet this weekend. Alcohol is far more harmful to society, receiving a score of 72 of 100 for being bad, while crack and meth (and alcohol) are more harmful to individuals. Pick your poison: F-up society or yourself? This Bend: Go big or go home.
Another unusual finding: Guess the most popular name for boys in the UK? Oliver, Jack, Wanker? Nope, Mohammed. Though spelled differently, because Muslims still can't decide on their prophet's true name (the least of that religion's contradictions), 4.6 percent of the UK's population overwhelmingly wants their sons stopped at airport checkpoints and, now, Mailboxes Etc.
Strange days, indeed. Take Ted Sorensen dying on Sunday at 82 as a sign. Speechwriter for JFK, "ask not what... " and who really wrote the young senator's Pulitzer Prize-winning "Profiles in Courage," the White House needs a séance to channel Sorensen - stat!
Don't feel too blue. Republicans now have to do something, anything, other than voting "No!" As Nancy Pelosi smokes medical (and legal) dope with San Fran's MLB champion Giants, and Harry Reid still remains missing, the most hated black man in America is smiling. Yep, Randy Moss has been cut by the Vikings after criticizing his then current team, praising his former head coach and conducting a third-person interview with himself rather than engage the media who love a train wreck.
Oh, and every president who lost the House during midterms has won reelection. Congratulations, Republicans and corporations, President Obama has six more years of socialist bliss, and you have this inbred insurgency called the Tea Party to please.