Opinion » Editorial

Off Into the Sunset, With a Bang: A porn queen calls it quits and Gonzo can't get started

A big T.S. Eliot fan - honest. In news that will bring sorrow to the hearts of porn aficionados everywhere, Upfront has been informed that

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A big T.S. Eliot fan - honest.
  • A big T.S. Eliot fan - honest.
A big T.S. Eliot fan - honest. In news that will bring sorrow to the hearts of porn aficionados everywhere, Upfront has been informed that Sunset Thomas has shot her last XXX-rated feature.

A news release from Vavoom Films (we are not making this up) informed us that Thomas, the self-styled "Princess of Porn," has completed her final sex scene in what will be her final adult film, Into the Sunset. (We suspect the title is a pun.)

"Into the Sunset marks the end of quite an amazing career for this renowned adult superstar," the news release stated. Amazing indeed: The 36-year-old Sunset has starred in more than 100 porn movies going back to the early '90s, including such classics as Red Beaver Bonanza, Lesbians in Tight Shorts, Muffy the Vampire Layer and, most recently, Misty Beethoven, the first porno musical.


And in between she found time to work in a couple of Nevada bordellos and launch her own chain of strip clubs.

"As you may well know," the news release continued, "Sunset wanted to pay tribute to her fans by choosing to include a civilian in her farewell scene. The lucky winner, Chris Bellis from Windgap, Pennsylvania" - we swear we are not making this up - "could not have been more excited to have the chance to work with Sunset. According to Chris, 'Dreams and fantasies do come true. I am so thankful to LFP Video and Vavoom Films for giving me this incredibly unique and positive experience. I can definitely say that it was a feather in my cap that I don't think I will ever top!"

You're probably right, Chris, although we're not sure "feather in my cap" is the metaphor we would have chosen.

Speaking of metaphors, Sunset herself borrowed one to sum up her experience making her last movie: "The poet T.S. Eliot said life doesn't end with a bang but a whimper - well, we certainly proved him wrong with Into the Sunset!"

Unfortunately the news release didn't say anything about Sunset's future plans. But for a T.S. Eliot-quoting porn queen, the opportunities should be limitless.

Danger: Fogies on Bikes

Ah, the call of the open road. The throaty roar of the engine ... the intoxicating aroma of the exhaust ... the rush of the wind through your hair ... the crunching sound as your skull hits the pavement ...

More and more middle-aged-and-older Americans these days are answering the call of the road and venturing forth on motorcycles - and more and more of them are getting killed doing it, according to a study by Gannett News Service (GNS).

GNS analyzed federal data on motorcycle deaths between 2002 and 2006 and found that almost half of the riders killed in 2006 were 40 or older, and nearly 25% of them were 50 or older.

"Transportation officials say the age trends reflect the growing popularity of motorcycles among older people with increasing incomes but decreasing physical dexterity and reaction times," GNS reported.

In other words, the fogies have the cash to buy a Harley but don't have the chops to handle it.

In its report, titled "Risky Ride," Gannett also found that motorcycle deaths have risen substantially over the last 10 years since a number of states have repealed or weakened their helmet laws. In 1996 5.6 motorcyclists were killed for every 10,000 registered motorcycles on the road. But by 2006 the rate had risen to 7.3 per 10,000 registered motorcycles.

The highest death rates were in the southeastern states and Arizona. In Oregon, which requires helmets, the rate was only 3.9 deaths for every 10,000, far below the national average of 7.3.

Alas, Poor Gonzo

Who is this man? I can't recall.
  • Who is this man? I can't recall.
Who is this man? I can't recall. It's not just the average working stiff who's feeling the pinch of these hard economic times: Alberto Gonzales, George W. Bush's former attorney general, can't seem to land a job either.

The New York Times reported last week that since his resignation last September Gonzales has been trying to get a berth in a law firm without success.

Gonzales "has, through friends, put out inquiries ... and has not found any takers," according to the Times. "What makes Mr. Gonzales's case extraordinary is that former attorneys general, the government's chief lawyer, are typically highly sought."

But then again, Gonzales is not your typical former attorney general. During congressional hearings on his role in the firings of various US attorneys and on a notorious memo authorizing the use of torture on Guantanamo detainees, he made himself the target of lawmakers' anger - and late-night comedians' jibes - for claiming he was unable to remember anything, including his own middle name. (Okay, that was a slight exaggeration.)

The longtime Bush crony is not exactly standing in bread lines yet. The Times said friends report that he's probably making as much from small speaking engagements (at $30,000 a pop) as he collected from his attorney general's salary of $191,000. Still, for a guy who was being talked up as the likely first Hispanic justice on the US Supreme Court, it's quite a comedown.

Department of Corrections

A recent Boot mistakenly identified the owner of a car involved in a fatal hit and run case in Bend. The car was owned by George Goodson of San Diego and driven by his son, Christopher Goodson. Eric Allen Brown was a passenger in the car at the time of the collision. The Source regrets the error and any confusion it may have created.

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