You Can't Go Home Again
The most poorly planned terrorism plot since that Nigerian's underwear was hatched in Times Square this weekend, with naturalized American citizen Faisal Shahzad arrested late Monday at JFK trying to flee to his home country of Pakistan. The inbred Pakistani Taliban are taking responsibility for the plot but no one knows why. With non-explosive fertilizer, ten gallons of gas, propane tanks and a few firecrackers in an old Nissan Pathfinder, Faisal forgot that Times Square is full of cameras and NYC doesn't care much for terrorists. As inept as a southern governor (see "Crist Comes Out"), Faisal makes Goldman Sachs look innocent.
In related domestic terrorism news: Billionaire Warren Buffett is still fighting new finance regulations while defending Goldman Sachs and the $900 per minute ($800 million annually) he makes off his $5 billion investment in the sullied/fraudulent bank. Somewhere in Hell, Timothy McVeigh is wishing he'd gotten an MBA instead of joining the military, guarded for eternity by ATF agents and forced to listen to Branch Davidians worship their Waco leader/father/mass-murderer.
Crist Comes Out
Let's Talk Religion
The infallible Vatican assumed leadership of the Legionaries of Christ on Sunday; only Pope Benedict XVI would want to align himself with a group founded by a leader who sexually abused seminarians and fathered at least one child. "Who is going to investigate the church? There were also accomplices within the church," wondered Jose Barba, who filed canon law challenges against the ultra-conservative group. In related pedophilia news: Oscar-winning rapist Roman Polanski broke his silence from utterly inhumane house arrest at a Swiss Alpine chalet, declaring, "I can now remain silent no longer." Posted on French philosopher Bernard-Henri Levy's website (replete with deep thoughts on quiche and how 13-year old girls really wanted it in 1977) Polanski says the case for extradition is "unjust and full of discrepancies." Your day in court is coming, Roman, best to just sit in that chalet and shhhh...
Chinese Cookies For Dessert
A man attacked a school in China, slashing 15 with a knife; this is the second such attack in China in weeks. The Communist government has informed all Chinese companies that they will be responsible for keeping all state-secrets secret and to report any improper sharing of information; the decree did not say exactly what a state-secret is, so Chinese companies have to guess - or not share any information at all. Related to China (since China owns the world): Someone let Iran President Adolph Ahmadinejad into the U.S. to speak at the U.N. about nuclear programs, then someone let him leave; where's the mob and concrete shoes when we need them?
Dept. of Corrections
An alert reader noted that our endorsement of Wells Ashby for Deschutes County judge slightly misstated Mr. Ashby's qualifications. Ashby has argued cases before the highest court in Idaho, but not in Oregon where that right is reserved by the Department of Justice. Thanks for the tip, Wells.