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Our Fresh Straight Poop Has Never Been More Affordable

Our Fresh Straight Poop Has Never Been More Affordable


Monday, Aug. 8

Life on the downgrade: Stock market resumes plunge on first Monday after Standard & Poor's lowers US credit rating; Dow drops 634 points ... US Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner rips S&P, says it has "shown really terrible judgment" ... Street fighting men, and women: Rioting in Britain enters third day, spreads from London to Birmingham, Bristol and Liverpool ... Oh, Jackie: British tabloid says ABC News has tape of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis blaming Lyndon Johnson for JFK's assassination, but ABC says report is "total nonsense" ... Or is that "shafted"? Former Tiger Woods caddie and Sunriver resident Steve Williams has harsh words for ex-boss: "I've caddied for the guy for 12 years, I've been incredibly loyal to the guy and I got short-shrifted."

Tuesday, Aug. 9

What goes down must go up: Wall Street rebounds as Federal Reserve Board promises to keep interest rates low; Dow jumps 429 points ... Battle of Britain: Rioting subsides in London as Prime Minister David Cameron puts thousands of cops on the streets, but flares in Manchester and other cities ... The Wasilla Hillbillies: In Playboy interview, Mercede Johnston, sister of Levi Johnston, Bristol Palin's baby papa, says Bristol was quite the party animal and her brother Track used cocaine and Oxycontin ... Blood in the streets: Death toll in Syrian uprising believed to top 2,000; other Arab nations withdraw ambassadors to protest brutal repression ... Hanging up the goggles: Long-distance swimmer Diana Nyad abandons attempt to swim 103 miles from Cuba to Florida; at 61, she says she won't try it again.

Wednesday, Aug. 10

Are we depressed yet? Washington Post poll finds only 26% of Americans think government can solve economic problems; 70% say government is "mostly focused on the wrong things" ... Dow Jones Industrial Average dives almost 520 points to 11-month low ... Getting it back in gear: Sarah Palin's bus tour resumes, plans stop at Iowa State Fair ... Keeping it cozy: Rupert Murdoch picks Viet Dinh, assistant attorney general in George W. Bush administration and co-author of Patriot Act, to head internal probe of News Corp.'s phone hacking ... Payback: US says air strike has killed Taliban fighters who shot down American helicopter last weekend, killing 38 ... Just good friends: On-line petition drive launched to encourage Sesame Street's Ernie and Bert to get married, but producers of show say puppets "do not have a sexual orientation."

Thursday, Aug. 11

But will they wear capes? Final three members of 12-member bipartisan congressional "super committee" on debt reduction, aka "Super Congress," chose ... Stop this market, I want to get off: Wall Street's wild week continues as S&P 500 index soars 4.6% ... Tough-guy act: British Prime Minister David Cameron tells rioters and looters: "You will pay for what you have done" ... Wages of crime: Colton Harris-Moore, the "Barefoot Bandit," signs $1.3 million movie deal; lawyers say money will go to pay restitution to his victims ... Don't get mad, get it all: Adriana Ferreyr, ex-girlfriend of billionaire financier and liberal sugar daddy George Soros, sues him over alleged broken promise to give her $1.9 million NYC apartment.

Friday, Aug. 12

BlackBerry crimes: 27-year-old man and 18-year-old girl charged with inciting riots in Britain by using BlackBerry Messenger ... See any pattern here? Another gay-bashing Republican politician, Indiana State Rep. Phillip Hinkle, caught offering cash to 18-year-old male to spend "a couple hours" with him in a hotel ... Art as contact sport: Graffiti artist Shepard Fairey, who created famous "Hope" poster for Obama's 2008 campaign, beaten up in Denmark by left-wing anarchists who call him "Obama Illuminati" and tell him to "go back to America" ... No health care for you: US Appeals Court in Atlanta rules Obama's health plan unconstitutional ... The vampires are coming! 19-year-old Mexican migrant worker dies of rabies contracted from vampire bat bite; vampire bats reported spreading in LA area.

Saturday, Aug. 13

Straws in the wind: Michelle Bachmann finishes first in Ames, Iowa Republican straw poll, Mitt Romney second ... Tim Pawlenty drops out of race after finishing disappointing third ... Texas Gov. Rick Perry waits until after poll to announce his candidacy ... Stepping up the repression: Syrian government sends tanks into coastal city of Latakia; 14 more protesters reported killed ... Stepping up the terror: US intelligence says Yemen branch of Al Qaeda trying to produce bombs containing lethal toxin ricin ... We told you they're coming! Bat flies around passenger cabin on Delta Airlines flight from Wisconsin to Atlanta; Centers for Disease Control trying to find out if it was rabid.

Sunday, Aug. 14

This is not looking good: President Obama's approval rating hits new low of 39% in Gallup tracking poll; 54% disapprove of his performance ... This is looking even worse: Rick Perry, now in the GOP presidential race, goes to New Hampshire to begin campaigning ... Those kids ain't got no up-bringin': British PM David Cameron says riots are result of "moral collapse." "We have been too unwilling for too long to talk about what is right and what is wrong," he says ... No wonder she's suing: Friend of George Soros says he used to make girlfriend Adriana Ferreyr sit at children's table at Sunday brunches. Makes sense; she's 28, he's 81 ... Gender-bender: Cuban gay-rights activist Ignacio Estrada marries Wendy Iriepa, a transsexual woman. Gay marriage is illegal in Cuba, but since Wendy is legally female it's okay.

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