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Our Straight Poop Is Freshness-Dated for Your Protection

Our Straight Poop Is Freshness-Dated for Your Protection



Aug. 29

Ill winds blow Wall Street good: Lower-than-expected damage toll from Hurricane Irene pushes insurance company stocks higher ... Hurricanes ... in Vermont? Flooding from Irene creates worst natural disaster in Vermont since 1927; at least three killed ... Shelter from the storm: Algeria gives asylum to 31 members of Libyan dictator Muammar Qaddafi's family and aides ... Mum's the word: Redmond School District announces Redmond High Principal Brian Lemos on leave, won't say why ... Encore for the Murdochs: Rupert Murdoch and son James to testify under oath about phone hacking in front of Britain's Royal Court of Justice ... Let the birds keep it: Mutant bird flu strain not vulnerable to vaccines appears in Vietnam and China.

Tuesday, Aug. 30

Too fast, too furious: Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives Director Kenneth Melson reassigned in flap over "Operation Fast and Furious," anti-gun-trafficking campaign in which US Border Patrol agent was killed ... Blasts from the past: Darryl Hannah, actress who won fame playing a mermaid, arrested in environmental protest at White House ... Christine O'Donnell, Tea Party Senate candidate who won fame for denying she's a witch, barred from Tea Party event in Iowa featuring Sarah Palin ... Call your dad, Steve: Abdulfattah John Jandali, 80, biological father of Steve Jobs, says he feels guilty about giving him up for adoption and would love to see him but is afraid to call ... Is he old enough to drive? Justin Bieber unhurt after his Ferrari involved in fender-bender in LA; millions of teenyboppers shed tears of relief.

Wednesday, Aug. 31

Temper tantrums: House Speaker John Boehner turns down President Obama's request to address to Congress on economy because Obama scheduled it on same day as GOP presidential debate; Obama backs down, reschedules ... Pause for refreshments: Libyan rebels say they have Muammar Qaddafi trapped in a desert stronghold, but son Seif al-Islam el-Qaddafi denies it. "Our leadership is fine. We are drinking tea and coffee," says he ... Storm fronts: Hurricane Irene called one of 10 costliest natural disasters in US history; estimated damages $7 billion to $10 billion ... Meanwhile, Tropical Storm Katia revving up into a hurricane ... Not as bad as it seemed: Dow Jones Industrial Average finishes slightly in the black for 2011 ... Absent-minded nerds: Apple employee apparently loses prototype of iPhone5 in San Francisco bar; same thing happened with iPhone4 prototype last year.

Thursday, Sept. 1

Worser and worser: List of people whose phones authorities believe were hacked by Rupert Murdoch's newspapers in Britain swells to 3,870, including Prince William and "schoolboy killer" Robert Thompson ... Tasteful: Republican organization in home county of assassination target Rep. Gabrielle Giffords (D-AZ) auctions off Glock handgun in fundraiser, same make used by alleged attacker Jared Lee Loughner ... This is awkward: California solar panel manufacturer Solyndra, recipient of $535 million in federal loans and touted by President Obama as example of successful renewable energy enterprise, folds ... Revolutionary idea: Republican presidential hopeful Jon Huntsman reveals his economy recovery plan. It involves tax cuts for billionaires ... But wasn't he English? Archaeologists think they've found remains of King Arthur's Round Table near Stirling Castle in Scotland.

Friday, Sept. 2

Shameless tease: Sarah Palin tells adoring fans in Iowa "there's room for more" in GOP presidential field but won't say if she'll run ... High-flyer: Texas Gov. Rick Perry, another Republican presidential contender, is frequent flyer aboard private jet of Brian D. Pardo, currently under investigation by SEC ... Low-flyer: Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day kicked off Southwest Airlines flight after refusing to hike up his low-slung pants; airline later apologizes ... Non-flyer: Latest jobs report shows US economy generated no new jobs in August. That's right - zero, zip, zilch, nada.

Saturday, Sept. 3

Here we go again: Tropical Storm Lee moves ashore in Gulf Coast, spawning heavy rain, tornadoes ... Maybe we could learn something from this? More than 400,000 Israelis demonstrate to protest social injustice, high cost of living and decline of middle class ... Still their girl: Chanting "Run, Sarah, run!" Tea Partiers at Iowa rally plead with Sarah Palin to say she's running for president. She doesn't ... Pretty hairy: Paleontologists discover 3.6-million-year-old fossil of giant hairy rhinoceros in southwestern Tibet, possible ancestor of the wooly mammoth ... Even hairier: Human feet (in running shoes) keep washing ashore in Vancouver, BC, 11 of them in past four years ... The less said the better: A football game takes place somewhere in Texas between University of Oregon Ducks and LSU Tigers.

Sunday, Sept. 4

I'm from the government and I'm here to help you: President Obama travels to storm-battered New Jersey, promises residents, "We're going to do everything we can to help" ... Dubious endorsement: former Vice President Dick Cheney says Hillary Clinton "might have been easier to work with" than Obama ... Can't get a break: Typhoon Talas slams western Japan, leaving 20 dead and 55 missing ... They love him back home: Dominique Strauss-Kahn, arriving in France after being cleared of sex assault charges in NYC, cheered by crowd at airport ... Up and running: After almost 40 years of delays, Iran's first nuclear power plant goes operational ... Somehow we guessed that: David Senk, 54, of Sacramento, CA, charged with biting and severely injuring live python, tells police he doesn't remember doing it because he has alcohol problem.

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