Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks
Front man of Pavement, one of the most influential bands to emerge from indie-ist of indie '90s lo-fiers, Stephen Malkmus has been praised as a genius by more music critics than just about anyone. This one-off show is a rare opportunity to see The Jicks in the States, (Malkmus currently lives in Berlin with his family) and worship at the feet of the writer of Crooked Rain. Portland bands Rose Windows and Sun Angle open. 8 pm. Crystal Ballroom. $23-$25.
friday 8-saturday 9
The amateur porn competition where anything goes (except for poop, animals and minors), produces another batch of kinky debauchery. Anyone with genitalia and a camera can submit—straight, gay, bi, porn professional or total amateur. Entries are five minutes long and footage is destroyed at the end of the showings. If watching locally produced porn with a bunch of strangers doesn't peak your interest, this year's special bonus props are bowling pins, butt plugs and Hillary Clinton. Introduction by master of ceremonies, Dan Savage. Various times. On the Boards. $23.
Laugh, cry and be reminded that no matter how strange your life is, it will never compare to the intelligent and satirically captured freak show of David Sedaris' stories. His essays alone are hilarious, only enhanced when delivered in the author's nasally deadpan voice with the addition of his impeccable comedic timing. This nearly 40-city tour sees him promoting his most recent collection, "Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls." 8 pm. Benaroya Hall. $43–$52.
Astronaut, author, viral video star and the first Canadian to walk in space, Chris Hadfield gained swift popularity when he covered David Bowie's "Space Oddity" FROM THE INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION IN ZERO GRAVITY! Called the most social media savvy astronaut ever (it's a very specific title), Hadfield has nearly a million followers on Twitter, a popular Tumblr blog and an excellently groomed moustache. He will read from his memoir, "An Astronaut's Guide to Life on Earth." 7:30 pm. Town Hall. $5.