I would personally like to apologize for the reviews I wrote for both The Twilight Saga: New Moon and The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. I don't know what exactly came over me that I would rave on and on about how good both of these films were, but obviously I was under the influence of something. Let's call it Post-Adolescent Vampire Obsession Syndrome (or PAVOS, which coincidentally is Spanish for "turkeys," and it's what all of us who latched onto this ridiculous series were for having so mindlessly obsessed over it for the past few years).
All I know is that during the height of my Twihard-ed obsession, my 15-year-old self would have seriously kicked my current self's ass. How does one go from making fun of Edward's sparkling skin to giving the last two movies each four out of five stars? I feel as though perhaps my mind melted and my time spent studying and adoring the art of cinema was tossed aside for a teenage vampire love story that throws both feminism and self respect out the window.
What happened between the release of Eclipse and The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn-Part I to lead this once self-proclaimed Twihard to flip her switch on the entire series? The way I see it, myself, and other educated women (or people, rather) who at the time bought into the hype of teenage vampire pandemonium, have always been on the fringe - in that we know better than to like these films, but soaked in the escape from reality anyway. The biggest mistake the studio responsible for the Twilight films made was waiting a year and a half between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. For those of us on the fringe, we were given time to come out of our Twilight-obsessed haze. When it comes down to it though, the studios don't care about those of us on the outskirts - they made these movies from young adult novels, and they are directed toward the teenage fan-girl demographic.
That's why I did my fair share of laughing during Breaking Dawn Part I. What I liked best about Breaking Dawn the book comes when Bella (Kristen Stewart) finally becomes a vampire, but we don't really get to that in this installation. The whole premise of Breaking Dawn is just flat out ridiculous. Bella and Edward (Robert Pattinson) get married and she subsequently gets knocked up - by a vampire. You know, someone who is supposed to be DEAD! And to top it all off, she gives her offspring the stupidest name on the planet. Seriously, Stephanie Meyer? Reneesme? That's the best you could come up with?
Talking with a friend the other day, she asked me, "Don't you remember Bella being more witty in the books?" One of the greatest problems about Bella in the films comes in her constant melancholy brooding. She lacks the personality she has in the books, which is disappointing. In Breaking Dawn the film, at her own wedding Bella looks more dead inside than any of the vampires in attendance. My favorite Bella moment of the whole film, however, comes when she takes her "human minute" to prepare to get down and dirty with Edward for the first time. She's more animated here than at any other time in the entire series.
Is it a coincidence that three of the four Twilight movies thus far have been released just before Thanksgiving (aka Turkey Day)? Those of us who, for the last three years, have suffered from PAVOS, have gobbled our little hearts out about the Edward-Bella-Jacob love triangle. But just as with all turkeys, our gobbling must come to an end and once the tryptophan-induced drowsiness wears off, we all wake up and see how terrible these movies really are.
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part I
2 Stars
Starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner
Directed by Bill Condon
Rated PG-13
