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Random Acts of Netflix: Meteor



Hey folks! Jared here. Every Thursday I'm going to go on Netflixroulette.com, spin the wheel and then watch whatever the damn thing tells me to. In case you haven't heard of Netflix Roulette, it's basically a silly website that allows you to spin a virtual wheel which then chooses a film or TV show at random out of the deepest crevices of the streaming service. My three rules are that I'll only watch films I haven't seen before, I won't review any sequels unless we've reviewed the original already and that I won't cheat and will review whatever it tells me to on the first spin. Hopefully we'll find some hidden gems or some even more hidden garbage piles! Enjoy my pain and/or joy.

This Week's Film: Meteor (2004)

Written By: Bhandit Rittakol

Directed By: Bhandit Rittakol

Actors: Supakorn Kitsuwon, Sasithorn Panichnok and Punu Suwanno.

What's it About:
Uhhhhhh, that's a harder question than it should be but I'll give it a go. A meteor crashes to Earth in Thailand and kills a pregnant beggar lady with space electricity. Later, some random guy walking by senses she's pregnant and cuts the baby out.

25 years later, we're following a weird, sorta sketchy guy who works at a mental hospital as a psychic healer, but he's also got some telekinesis and wire-fu powers also, so I think he just might be multitalented. Is he the electric meteor baby? Nope. Totally different dude with superpowers. People from the village he was born in (the one where the meteor landed) are going into weird trances and dropping dead for apparently no reason. I bet grown up Meteor Baby has something to do with it!

When a comatose villager comes to the hospital and touches him, Psychic Healer Man gets filled with a bunch of different personalities and runs away all crazy and giggling. He goes back to his village to take on soulless children, ghosts, heavy winds, ancient graveyards, evil birds and Angry Meteor Baby Man.

Is It Good: After that description it would be safe to think that the film would have just enough batshit insanity to be entertaining as hell, but it's dull as dishwater filled with beige politicians. I sure as shit wouldn't classify it as an “action/adventure” (DAMN YOU, NETFLIX!!) and would say it fits more safely in the “foreign sci-fi horror garbage” genre.

The special effects are on the same caliber as early '90's TV CGI, the story is muddled and confusing with character motivations changing with the breeze, and there is no real reason to care about anything happening onscreen. Again, if the film was directed with some style and energy, story problems could be overlooked due to the sheer entertainment value of watching crazy foreign action movies, but the budget is so low on this that it just feels sad, especially since Thailand knows how to make great movies on tiny budgets.

I spent half the film assuming that the weird psychic healer was the baby from the beginning of the film, but nope. Grown up Meteor Babyman doesn't even show up until halfway through the film and he's evil as shit, wanting to kill the world for revenge. His motivations are actually pretty good, but everything is just too goofy to work. But there's lots of flipping and running and jumping and shit, so if that's your thing, go for it. Otherwise, this one can be safely avoided. I honestly never would have finished this if it wasn't the film I drew for my FIRST FREAKING COLUMN. Inauspicious start, if I do say so myself.

Link to the Movie: If you want, but I warned you!!

Grade: D-

Favorite Line: “If you don't watch your words, I will teleport leather into your stomach.”

Next Week: Invasion of the Bee Girls! 

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