In case you haven't heard (or haven't been reminded in the last 45 seconds), this coming weekend marks a very important day of remembrance for Americans - and those who hate Americans. (And NO, it's not Free Slurpee Day at 7-Eleven!!! That was JULY 11, idiot, not SEPTEMBER 11!! Confidential to terrorists: Free Slurpee Day isn't really important to us or anything... I mean, c'mon, right? So there's no reason to, like... oh, I don't know... blow it all up or something. That would be a huge waste of your time. Huge. FYI. BTW. Ahem.)
Anyway! Even though this weekend's anniversary is impossibly unforgettable, television is nevertheless making sure to jam-cram its lineups with a poop-ton of "tributes" to the day, because... well, what if a bunch of people happen to slip on a roller skate, crack open their head, and wake up with absolutely NO MEMORY WHATSOEVER of this monumentally historic day that will forever live in infamy (and we're not talking about the attack on Pearl Harbor)? THEY NEED TO BE REMINDED NOT TO FORGET, OKAY??
Of course, the networks could be looking for just another way to make a fast buck, hence the weekend full of "sorrow porn"... or is that just me reminding myself to be cynical?
Nevertheless! Here's what's getting my goat - did you know I have a goat? His name is Roger and he's my butler. He eats up all the trash I leave lying around in my living room, and occasionally he nibbles on my testicles when I'm asleep. NOT cool, Roger! Anyway, here's what's getting my Roger: While all this "reminding" is going on, there are also a lot of other important TV shows that everyone is going to forget about, because they're too busy trying to remember not to forget that other thing that we're supposed to be remembering! SO! As a public service, here's your official reminder to not forget to remember the following shows that you shouldn't forget... to remember... not to forget.
Up All Night (NBC, Wed Sept 14, 10 pm): Don't forget to remember that Up All Night is a new comedy starring Will "I played Gob in Arrested Development" Arnett and Christina "I played Kelly Bundy in Married with Children" Applegate as a couple who forget to remember to use birth control and now have a screaming brat on their hands who constantly reminds them that their lives are FAWKED.
Ringer (CW, Tues Sept 13, 9 pm): Here's your reminder to remember Sarah Michelle Gellar - who you may remember from Buffy the Vampire Slayer - now playing twins in the supposedly creepy drama Ringer, about a former drunk who takes over her rich twin's life, and dark mysteries ensue! (Also remember that Sarah was never really very good in Buffy - so don't forget to be disappointed by this.)
Entourage (HBO, Sun Sept 11, 10:30): Speaking of terrible acting, don't forget to remind yourself to remember that tonight marks the SERIES finale of Entourage, which means you'll never have to watch this terrible show about Hollywood douchebags ever again. Hey! We killed this without any help at all from Al Qaeda! YOU LOSE, TERRORISTS! YOU... LOSE!
Don't forget to remember... crap, I forgot. firstname.lastname@example.org