In the "Best of Central Oregon" issue, I noticed a little blurb in the eponymous section reading, "Best Way to Tell Someone's a Ski Instructor: Because He Keeps Telling You He's a Ski Instructor." The author, (BL), goes on to make comparisons to rafting guides and "those bizarro dudes who smack each other in Drake Park." (BL) is basically saying that we bizarro dudes brag about being bizarro dudes, and that we do it ad infinitum. I don't know if you know this, but most of Bend's population rolls down their windows to shout, "FAGS!" as they pass by us. People don't particularly think we're interesting in any way, and we are concretely aware of this. Thusly, I have never heard any of my fellow bizarro dudes bragging to non-bizarro dudes about our bizarro status, because most of the time, we get our sexual orientations grossly misjudged to our faces. So, (BL), don't even begin to compare us to ego-hungry ski instructors; we don't brag, and half of us avoid mentioning it to people we don't know very well. However, given that you called us "bizarro dudes" and that you ostensibly idolize retired porn stars, we've probably heard your hypermasculine growl from your friend's passenger-side window telling us to get jobs on a few occasions. Thank you for the love, Central Oregon.
Editor Responds: When in Bend, Brad Lockwood's preferred mode of transportation has been and will always be by dilapidated cruiser bike. And the only growl you'll hear is from the whine of his neglected chain and the wheeze of his labored breathing.