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Outside » Outside Features

Super Bad

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It's the Super Bowl this weekend, and while we can't predict what will happen in the game - who knows, maybe the officials will throw another championship to the Steelers (yes, Left Field is still bitter about the Seahawks getting screwed in '06) - but we can foresee a few events that will absolutely happen at your Super Bowl Party.

1) Someone will bring a six-pack of Coors Light and one of your beer snob friends will lambaste them for it.

2) One of your friends will spend the first quarter feeling out which team the majority of partygoers are backing and spend the rest of the game arbitrarily rooting on the opposite squad. Violence will ensue.

3) You will eat chili, Velveeta or a combination of the two.

4) No less than four partygoers will find themselves horribly drunk by the end of the game and have the worst Monday of their lives.


5) At least one person will actually be from Pittsburg or Arizona and pretend to be that team's biggest fan.

6) Someone will call bullshit on the aforementioned fan in #5. The bullshit caller will probably be the guy from #2.

7) Remembering #3, no less than three times you will casually walk to the corner of the room and wait for everyone to cheer loudly.

8) Someone will be disappointed that the commercials weren't as good as last year.

9) Someone will be disappointed that the game wasn't as good as last year.

10) Someone will have a shocking amount of money riding on the game. This same person will be prone to vicious mood swings. If possible, keep him away from the guy in #2 and #6.

11) If the Cardinals win, Kurt Warner will awkwardly thank Jesus for the win.

12) Jesus, who isn't a football fan, will be watching Roadhouse on TBS and miss Warner's shout out.

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