"On the half shell, they're the heroes four.
In this day and age, who could ask for more?
The crime wave is high with muggings mysterious.
All police and detectives are furious,
'Cause they can't find the source,
Of this lethally evil force.
This is serious, so give me a quarter.
I was a witness, get me a reporter!
Call April O'Neil in on this case, and
You'd better hurry up, there's no time to waste!
We need help, like quick, on the double.
Have pity on the city; man, it's in trouble!
We need heroes like the Lone Ranger
When Tonto came pronto, when there was danger.
They didn't say we'd be there in half an hour,
'Cause they displayed...Turtle Power!
- America's Poet Laureate, Mr. Vanilla Ice
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3D is not showing in any theaters in the area.