Sniffling my way through the pill aisle, I found my beloved tablet wasn't there. Assuming they were out-of-stock, I immediately ordered online only to find they couldn't be shipped to Oregon. Thanks to this state's abundance of meth producers, my only chance of not blowing snot bubbles while setting down someone's tenderloin was blown.
In my college days, ephedrine was on every gas station counter-the bright blue and red Mini Thin label screaming out to, "Eat me, I'm so much fun with a margarita." Or, "Eat twelve of me and you could write two term papers, take a ten-mile run, and scrub all your floors with a toothbrush and still feel fresh.
Unfortunately, I have found Claritin and Zyrtec to be of little help and my mother has insisted that sending me a box of Advil will ensure her a spot in federal prison for drug trafficking, so I have no choice but to hunt down a meth lab to get two measly allergy pills. As my lovely but overprotective mother forewarns me constantly, alcohol and pills don't mix. So I offer you this mocktini, perfect for allergy season.
The Be Better Bloody
3 oz tomato juice
1.5 oz Worchester
.5 oz lemon juice
a pinch celery salt
1 oz olive brine
1 tsp horseradish and a couple shakes of Tabasco