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The Freshest, Most Wholesome Straight Poop Served Weekly




May 23

Back to the Ould Sod: President Obama - uh, make that O'bama - arrives in Ireland for state visit, has pint of Guinness at local pub, performs a few Riverdance moves. Yes, I made the last bit up ... At least 122 confirmed dead, 1,500 missing after Sunday's ferocious tornado in Joplin, MO ... Gaga over Gaga: Demand for Lady Gaga's new album, Born This Way, on sale for 99 cents, is so heavy it crashes servers at Amazon ... Here we go again: Britain and France escalate conflict in Libya, sending helicopters against Muammar Qaddafi's forces ... Ugliness is in the eye of the beholder: Indescribably weird hat worn by Princess Beatrice at royal wedding sells for $130,000 on eBay ... No, really, it's coming, trust me: Rapture prophet Harold Camping pronounces self "flabbergasted" that the Rapture didn't happen last Saturday, then predicts it actually will happen on Oct. 21. Okay, as long as it doesn't disrupt the NFL season.

Tuesday, May 24

That was a very good year: President Obama, signing guest book at Westminster Abbey, writes date as "May 24, 2008." Feeling a little nostalgic, maybe ... Payback time: Ousted Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak and two of his sons reportedly to face trial for killings of protesters ... Talk about ingratitude: Report by General Accounting Office says companies that got $24 billion in stimulus money owe $750 million in back taxes ... Scrooge would have approved: House Majority Leader Eric "Ebenezer" Cantor (R-VA) says he won't approve federal aid to tornado-stricken Joplin, MO unless it's offset by spending cuts elsewhere ... Coming home to roost? In election seen as referendum on Republicans' throw-granny-under-the-bus Medicare proposal, Democrat Kathy Hochul upsets Republican Jane Corwin in upstate New York congressional district.

Wednesday, May 25

This could be embarrassing: After Democrats force vote, Senate shoots down Sen. Paul Ryan's Medicare-killing budget plan; all but five Republicans vote in favor ... Now here's a surprise: Jared Loughner, accused of shooting US Rep. Gabrielle Giffords (D-AZ) and 18 others, ruled mentally incompetent to stand trial ... Some months nothing goes right: Sources say California attorney general's office investigating whether ex-Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger used Highway Patrol officers to bring women to his hotel rooms ... Squeal like a sexist pig: MSNBC's Ed Schulz apologizes, draws suspension for calling radio yakker Laura Ingraham a "right-wing slut" on air ... Alfred E. Neumann sings! Scotty McCreery, young man with deep voice, freckles and wide-set ears, takes "American Idol" crown, beating several much better looking young women.

Thursday, May 26

On the road to 2012: Looking more and more like a candidate, Sarah Palin announces cross-country bus tour, unveils two-hour "documentary" about herself titled "The Undefeated." Uh, doesn't "undefeated" mean you never lost? ... Justice delayed: Ex-Serbian Gen. Ratko Mladic, accused of 1995 Srebrenica massacre, captured in Belgrade ... Not exactly hard time: Accused rapist Dominique Strauss-Kahn moves into posh Manhattan townhouse featuring home theater, gym, spa, bar and rec room ... This is news? Survey by GMAC Insurance finds 20 percent of Americans are not fit to drive. Incredibly, that's an improvement over last year.

Friday, May 27

Corpocracy, here we come: US District Court in Virginia rules corporations can give money directly to political campaigns ... Say bye-bye, Muammar: Russian President Dmitri Medvedev says he'll try to persuade Libyan dictator Muammar Qaddafi to step down ... Light on his feet: Director Peter Jackson confirms Orlando Bloom will reappear as Legolas in "The Hobbit," prequel to "The Lord of the Rings"; says Bloom makes "a wonderful elf" ... Down the rat hole: New study says US Army has spent $34 billion since 1997 on weapons that were never built ... Grizzly Adams in Silicon Valley? Facebook mogul Mark Zuckerberg tells San Jose Mercury News that from now on he'll only eat things he personally kills.

Saturday, May 28

Hands off the Net, dude: Judge fines former President Hosni Mubarak and other Egyptian officials $91 million for cutting off Internet and cell phone service during protests ... Will the funeral be televised? Gil Scott-Heron, poet and key early influence on hip-hop famous for The Revolution Will Not Be Televised, dies at age 62 ... Heads-up for collectors: Mummified severed head of St. Vitalis of Assisi, patron saint of genital disease, to be auctioned in Ireland. NOTE: He is not the patron saint of venereal disease; that's St. Fiacre ... Bummer, man! New conservative government of The Netherlands plans to close the country's famous cannabis "coffee" shops to tourists. Still a little time to toke up before ban takes effect before end of 2012.

Sunday, May 29

Stand by your man: Thousands of ultra-nationalist Serbs rally to protest the arrest of Ratko Mladic, accused of killing thousands in "ethnic cleansing" during Bosnian-Serb conflict ... Stand by your woman: Former presidential candidate Sen. John McCain, on Faux News, says "of course" former running-mate Sarah Palin can beat President Obama in 2012 ... Meanwhile Palin, in what might be a signal of presidential ambitions, rides on back of Harley in "Rolling Thunder" parade in DC. Show us your tattoos, Sarah ... Welcome to the greenhouse: International Energy Agency reports that despite global recession, record 30.6 gigatons of carbon spewed into atmosphere in 2010 ... This hangover won't go away: "Hangover II" makes $30 million, biggest-ever Friday gross for a live-action comedy. The term "gross" is particularly appropriate.

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