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The Pets Are Alright

Don't worry, no animals were harmed in any of these movies

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I can watch people get shot, blown up and serial killed all day long, but as soon as something bad happens to an animal...I'm out. I've still never seen "Marley & Me" because I know how it ends and I'm not a masochist. For the Pet Issue my normally snarky self was thinking about writing a few words about movies like "Cujo" and "Pet Semetary," but instead join me for something completely different. This week we're looking at movies where NO PETS DIE and no children are scarred for life.

Gremlins: Billy Peltzer's dog Barney is in jeopardy the moment he breaks mean Mrs. Deagle's ceramic snowman, not to mention from all the dang Gremlins. He gets tied up in some Christmas lights and the Gremlins definitely screw with the poor little pooch quite a bit, but he survives the movie happy and healthy. The same can't be said of several humans.

Babe: Fun fact: The director of "Babe" is also the director of all the "Mad Max" movies. George Miller doesn't play. Everyone has seen this, but in case it's been a while, you should definitely watch it again. The story of a pig that wants to be a sheepdog is still one of the greatest family films of all time, and if you show it to the kids at the perfect age, you'll save a lot of money on bacon. This film is timeless and an all-time classic. "Babe: A Pig in the City" is also pretty wonderful, in case you were wondering.

Alien: Jones is the "ship's cat" aboard the Nostromo. This cat not only lives in space, but survives a kill-crazy alien with a really pokey tongue and acid blood. Jones is even responsible for one of the best jump scares in the classic film when he jumps out at Ripley while she's trying to avoid a face hugger. After Jones and Ripley kill the Alien (well, Ripley does most of the work), they climb into their cryosleep chamber and sleep for 57 years until they're woken up just in time for "Aliens." That makes Jones the oldest cat in history. The more you know.

Keanu: Key and Peele's ridiculous comedy gets funnier every single time I watch it. They play two nerdy best friends who find an adorable kitten that used to belong to a drug lord. When the kitten is kidnapped by some gangsters, Key and Peele pretend they're a pair of tough guys and go through hell to rescue their kitten. Seriously, this kitten is so cute (especially when he gets dressed up like a gangster) that your heart will melt all over the place.

Best in Show: The wonderful thing about "Best in Show" is how much the film cares about how we connect with our pets and the lengths we'll go to in order for them to be happy. The film is at times hilarious and heartwarming while also showing the behind the scenes of the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. From the filmmakers behind "This is Spinal Tap" and "Waiting for Guffman," this wonderful comedy deserves a place in your constant rotation.


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