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The Straight Poop Will Always Continue to Occupy This Space

A gathering of happenings from the past week.


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Monday, Nov. 7

Grope of the Week: Sharon Bialek of Chicago says GOP presidential aspirant Herman Cain put hand up her skirt in a car in 1997, fourth woman to make such accusations against him ... Bad medicine: Dr. Conrad Murray, personal physician to Michael Jackson, found guilty of involuntary manslaughter for giving Jackson dose of powerful anesthetic that killed him in 2009 ... Celebrity fun and games: Brody Jenner gets in brawl outside Hollywood hotel, is hit in head with beer bottle; girlfriend Avril Lavigne wades in, suffers black eye and bloody nose ... Lindsay Lohan freed from jail in LA on probation violation charge, checks into rehab, must do community service at county morgue ... The high cost of cleanliness: Cleaning woman at Germany's Ostwall Museum mistakes part of million-dollar art work by Martin Kippenberger for stain on floor, scrubs it out.

Tuesday, Nov. 8

Blame the victims: Herman Cain holds press conference, categorically denies sexual harassment charges by various women, says, "Someone is trying to wreck my character." Hmm, could it be himself? ... End of an error: Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, quite a ladies' man himself, loses his governing majority in parliament, says he'll resign ... Weapons of mass deception? Report by International Atomic Energy Agency says Iran appears to be trying to sneakily build nuclear bomb ... Goodbye, Smokin' Joe: "Smokin' Joe" Frazier of Philadelphia, who knocked out Muhammad Ali in 1971 "Fight of the Century," dies of cancer at 67 ... When you gotta go: Stainless steel toilet used by Saddam Hussein while imprisoned in Iraq before his execution in 2006 to be displayed in military police museum in US.

Wednesday, Nov. 9

Thunder on the left: Progressives win string of election victories across country, including defeat of radical anti-abortion measure in Mississippi ... Joe must go: Amid escalating child sex abuse scandal at Penn State, legendary football coach Joe Paterno announces he'll resign at end of season, but trustees have other ideas - they fire him ... Misdirected anger: Penn State students, rioting over their beloved JoePa's ouster, overturn vehicles, smash streetlamps ... The dishonored dead: Officials at Dover Air Force Base admit losing body parts of soldiers, cremating bodies and dumping ashes in landfill ... Macabre memento: Michael Jackson's personal belongings, including the bed where he died, to be auctioned next month.

Thursday, Nov. 10

War is really hell: Army Staff Sgt. Calvin Gibbs sentenced to life in prison (with chance of parole) for murdering three Afghan civilians, keeping parts of bodies as souvenirs ... Lawyering up: Fired Penn State coach Joe Paterno reportedly hires top criminal attorney J. Sedgwick Sollers, who represented President George H.W. Bush in Iran-Contra case ... All Greek to me: Lucas Papademos, former VP of European Central Bank, named prime minister of Greece in hope of fixing debt crisis ... Lineup change: Billy Crystal picked to host Oscars after Eddie Murphy quits because his friend Brett Ratner was fired as producer ... Twittering out of control: "Two and a Half Men" star Ashton Kutcher gives up Twitter after series of gaffes, latest saying that firing Joe Paterno showed "no class" ... But can I still get my double vente mocha-cappa-rappa-frappucino? Starbucks buys Evolution Fresh Inc., will launch chain of stores offering fruit juices.

Friday, Nov. 11

Let's get to the bottom of this: Penn State appoints committee to investigate sex abuse scandal involving former defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky ... Assistant coach Mike McQueary, who told coach Joe Paterno he saw Sandusky raping boy in shower, put on leave ... Maybe he can go to work for Murdoch: Mike Winder, mayor of West Valley City, UT, admits writing stories about himself and the city for local paper using an alias because he thought city needed more "good news" ... Michael Alan Skopec, 48, of Bristol, IL, arrested after calling 911 five times to complain his iPhone didn't work. Alcohol reportedly involved.

Saturday, Nov. 12

Send out the clown: Silvio Berlusconi resigns as promised; crowd outside presidential palace yells "Buffone!" ("Buffoon!") as he enters ... Saturday Sports Roundup: Players of both teams kneel on field before Penn State - Nebraska game to honor sex abuse victims ... Thousands of fans wear blue ribbons ... Bomb threat at Beaver Stadium before game proves false ... Penn State loses, 17-14 ... Meanwhile, down on The Farm: University of Oregon clobbers, crushes, creams and generally demolishes Stanford, 53-30 ... Happy ending: Washington Nationals catcher Wilson Ramos, kidnaped in home country of Venezuela Wednesday, rescued by police ... Here he goes again: Ousted International Monetary Fund chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn linked to investigation of prostitution ring at luxury hotel in northern France. Hey, in France they consider this stuff a sport.

Sunday, Nov. 13

Getting tense: Cops in riot gear surround Portland park as Occupy Portland demonstrators reject mayor's order to leave ... Standing by her man: Gloria Cain, wife of Herman, says on Faux News that he "totally respects women" and isn't capable of sexually harassing them ... Meanwhile Reuters/Ipsos poll shows 28 percent of Republicans backing Mitt Romney, 8 points ahead of Cain ... Another glass of whine, please: Michelle Bachmann (who?) says she has email proof that CBS News conspired to have her ignored in GOP debate ... Factually challenged: Expert reviewer at Ford's Theatre museum in DC rips Bill O'Reilly's new book, Killing Lincoln, for "lack of documentation and ... factual errors," including repeated mentions of Oval Office - which wasn't built until 1909.

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