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Welcome Summer With Our Garden-Fresh Straight Poop

Welcome Summer With Our Garden-Fresh Straight Poop



June 27

Details, details: Michelle Bachman, kicking off presidential campaign in Waterloo, Iowa, says she's proud she was born in same town as John Wayne. Problem: Waterloo was birthplace not of John Wayne but of John Wayne Gacy, serial killer ... Blago's busted: Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich found guilty of having unpronounceable name and silly haircut. Just kidding. He's convicted on corruption charges ... Knock yourself out, kid: Supreme Court rules states can't ban sale of violent video games to children ... Dicey: Wildfires force evacuation of Los Alamos Nuclear Laboratory in New Mexico; officials say nothing to worry about. Uh-huh ... Two Most Wanted: International Criminal Court issues warrants for arrest of Muammar Qaddafi and son Saif al Islam Qaddafi for "crimes against humanity."

Tuesday, June 28

Bachmann Watch: Edits appear in Wikipedia entries on John Wayne and John Quincy Adams trying to make it look like Michelle Bachmann was right when she said The Duke was born in Waterloo, Iowa (he wasn't) and John Quincy Adams was a founding father (he wasn't, his dad was) ... Meanwhile Tom Petty tells Bachmann to quit using his 1977 hit "American Girl" as a campaign theme song. "Girl"? She's 55 ... Bashing Bernie: Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff complains 150-year prison sentence was too harsh, says judge made him "the human piñata of Wall Street" ... Life among the ruins: Greek parliament approves drastic austerity measures in bid to stave off default ... The Pope Tweets! Pope Benedict XVI uses iPad to send his first Twitter message, announcing launch of Vatican news site.

Wednesday, June 29

We thought it already was: US Department of Agriculture declares entire state of Texas a disaster area because of drought ... Duh, "D" is still passing, ain't it? Standard & Poor's plans to downgrade US credit rating to "D" if fight over debt ceiling isn't settled and US goes into default ... The more things change, etc.: More than 1,000 injured in protests against Egypt's new military-led government ... Fire sale: MySpace sold to Specific Media for $35 million, less than one-tenth of what Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. paid in 2005. Justin Timberlake's one of the buyers ... Half measures: In wake of New York's approval of gay marriage, Rhode Island okays civil unions for gay couples ... The things we do for love: More than 150 diamondback terrapins cross runway at NYC's John F. Kennedy International Airport en route to mating grounds, temporarily blocking air traffic.

Thursday, June 30

Who's the dick here? Mark Halperin suspended by MSNBC after calling President Obama a "dick" on Joe Scarborough's "Morning Joe" show ... What could possibly go wrong?: Ohio Gov. John Kasich signs bill allowing folks to pack guns in Ohio bars. Guns don't kill people, but drunks with guns do ... Greetings, colonials: Adoring crowds in Canada welcome Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (aka Prince William and Kate Middleton) despite Willy's bad French ... Off and running: Federal Elections Commission says it's okay for Comedy Central to fund Stephen Colbert's presidential PAC ... Wanted: Sense of Humor: Jerome Corsi, godfather of the birther movement, files $285 million suit against Esquire for parodying one of his books ... That's a relief: Oregon Legislature wraps up work and adjourns; no serious injuries reported.

Friday, July 1

Falling apart: Former International Monetary Fund chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn freed as sexual assault case against him unravels ... Talkin' Trash: Muammar Qaddafi threatens to attack Europe in retaliation for NATO strikes ... No elitist he: Glenn Beck ends career at Faux News, moves out of NYC, rents palatial home in Dallas for $20,000 per month. Yes, per month ... The red-right-and-blue holiday? Harvard University study says Fourth of July celebrations tend to make people Republicans. "Fourth of July shifts preferences to the right," authors say.

Saturday, July 2

Talkin' Trash II: Secretary of State Hillary Clinton scoffs at Muammar Qaddafi's threats. "Instead of issuing threats, he should be putting the well-being and interests of his own people first," she says ... Didn't get enough of a royal wedding fix? Prince Albert of Monaco marries former Olympic swimmer Charlene Wittstock in lavish ceremony ... But no video games: Federal Aviation Administration decides to let air traffic controllers listen to radio and read "appropriate materials" on duty to help them stay awake ... Darwin Award material: Philip A. Contos, 55, taking part in ride to protest New York's helmet requirement, crashes his Harley, lands on unhelmeted head, dies.

Sunday, July 3

Just don't call them "taxes": Sens. John McCain of Arizona and John Cornyn of Texas say GOP might accept "revenue raisers" as part of debt ceiling deal, but not "tax hikes." We don't understand either ... Another summer, another spill: ExxonMobil pipeline ruptures, spilling thousands of gallons of oil into Yellowstone River in Montana ... Now that's not very nice: Prince William and Kate Middleton heckled in Montreal by protesters with signs reading "Royal Parasites Go Home" ... Blockbuster: "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" racks up third-biggest opening weekend box office sales ever with $372 million. That's topped only by "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" at $394 million and "Spider-Man 3" at $382 million ... Desirable location: Landlord reports "phone ringing off the hook" with people wanting to rent Santa Monica apartment formerly occupied by fugitive Boston gangster Whitey Bulger. FBI found $800,000 hidden in walls; would-be renters think there's more.

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