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Food & Drink » Chow

Welcome to the Grindhouse

Somehow Nelly's "Hot in Herre" appeals to a generation that I'm quite positive he did not intend to appeal to. I'm contemplating saying, "No shirt,

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Somehow Nelly's "Hot in Herre" appeals to a generation that I'm quite positive he did not intend to appeal to. I'm contemplating saying, "No shirt, no service," but I'm still caught off guard that a doughy 58-year-old man has decided to dance half-naked at the service bar.

Before I can say anything, his mate joins him with a long lick to his chest and a grind straight from Christina Aguilera's "Dirty" video. Trust me, it's not quite the same when the two people are not 20 and over-the-top beautiful. But, like a train wreck, I can't shift my gaze.

Fortunately, just in time to quell my vomit reflex, the gentleman breaks away, still panting, and orders a vodka tonic. He doesn't stop gyrating his hips while wiping copious amounts of sweat from his forehead. His dance partner goes back to the main dance floor, allowing him an extra minute with me. I tell him that he owes me $6.50. He stops the hip motions just long enough to pull out his wallet, and then tells me he's always wanted to be a pole dancer.

"Really?"

I ask him what he does now, and he replies that he's a mortgage broker. In the current market, pole dancing might not be such a bad sport to take up, I tell him. I wonder if he's been caught grinding on the bus stop sign while waiting for the number two, or been asked to leave playgrounds after dry humping the pole on the jungle gym. Maybe that's what led him to brokering mortgages.

The Grind

Muddle four mint leaves

One splash of mint bitters

2 oz of vodka

2 oz of lime juice

1.5 oz of simple syrup

Stir it with a long stick and top with soda water.


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